Steps Along The Way

If I’d like to pretend that all of the time and effort I’ve put into my drawings and stories isn’t pointless, I need to honestly believe on some level in my goal of creating the content as I imagine it could be.  This is of course specific to me, but the idea that all of the things I’ve done will never truly be anything is a concept that eats away at my creative drive frequently.  In some ways I don’t believe in myself, doubting my work could have “merit”(what really even is that anyways?), as well as doubting my abilities to actually achieve even a portion of my visions.  Easy answer is to not worry about it and just let it be, and not matter.  But it matters to me, and the fact that over the years I’ve always been creating is the most telling.  Even when years may pass with a project untouched, the ideas are often tossed around and I come back with a renewed vigor or concept for the content.

If I accept the idea that I could never make these things into even a ghost of what I imagine them to be, it would be difficult for me to invest more energy into creating, not because I wouldn’t still dream up ideas, but because it would feel almost like rubbing salt in my own wound.  It would be an acceptance that I can’t achieve something I want, despite the fact that it’s taken me so long to sort through what I have a passion and talent for.  I’m sure I won’t ever stop working on it though, and while I thought I accepted my inability long ago, in more recent years I’ve finally been able to see the progress I have made.  What has always been much more of a dream for me, is looking closer to a goal – and it’s up to me to make that paradigm shift.

So I just keep doing – and this was some recent practice just using content I’ve worked on

Scan_20180425


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